Grief and Loss Counselling

How Grief Counselling can help

Many people when experiencing grief and loss find it valuable to talk to an independent, professionally trained psychologist in an understanding, safe, supportive, and accepting environment.

This can be especially helpful if you are concerned about ‘wearing out’ family and friends, and/or you find that others have unrealistic expectations of your recovery or experiences when experiencing grief.

An experienced psychologist providing grief counselling can help you to:

• Understand the natural grief process, common grief and loss responses and obstacles to recovery
• Accelerate the healing process by providing you with tools and strategies that let you learn to sit with the feelings and actively deal with them, rather than trying to push them away or ignore them.
• Find better ways to communicate your needs and wishes with family, friends, and colleagues rather than leaving them guessing about what would be useful and comforting to you in this time of grief.
• Deal with grief and loss in ways that are not self-destructive. You may be using drugs and alcohol to cover up the pain; or overworking to distract yourself from the feelings of loss.
• Ensure that you don’t express grief in ways that harm others. Anger is sometimes the emotion you show when there are a range of other powerful emotions swirling underneath.
• Address other co-occurring issues such as anxiety and depression.

How does Grief affect us?

Grief can impact on what we think, how we feel emotionally and physically, what we do, and even our beliefs. The intensity, duration, and reactions to grief vary from person to person.

Some common reactions to grief and loss are:

• Sadness or crying frequently
• Shock, denial, numbness
• Stress, anxiety, exhaustion
• Anger, guilt, shame, blame (and sometimes relief)
• Loneliness, isolation and withdrawal
• Frustration, helplessness and despair
• Physical problems like headaches, changes in eating patterns, sleep disturbance, fatigue and panic attacks
• Difficulty concentrating, confusion, repetitious thoughts
• No longer able to enjoy your usual activities and hobbies
• Tension in personal relationships
• Feeling hopeless or like you can’t go on
• Trying to make meaning out of the loss by questioning long held beliefs and drawing on spiritual connections.

Grief is not a linear process. You may experience lots of these reactions at once (or only a few) and they may come and go with different waves of intensity.

Tips for Coping with Grief

Give yourself permission to grieve and let people help. Don’t bottle up your emotions – talk to a family and friends, or health professional, about your loss and use those willing to assist with emotional support

Look after yourself. Eat well, exercise and get a decent amount of sleep. Get back into a routine and do the things you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like doing them.

Try not to put pressure on yourself to ‘move on’. Avoid making any big decisions until you can think more clearly.

Don’t feel guilty about moving through your grief and trying to get back to your life.

Acknowledge that it won’t be this bad forever. You can survive a big loss even if you feel like you can’t. Know your limits and expect some set-backs. When you are ready, you will move on.